In 2026 We're Leaving Meetup

The website/app that started it all no longer serves a positive purpose for the growth of our group.

It's been a long time coming. I've been burned out hosting for years and I've pinpointed Meetup as the main contributor. I've never entirely loved the concept of Meetup and what it provides. My first group ever was actually named "The Anti-Meetup Group," where I called out the fake hosting style of many organizers and how absurd it is that this is the way we have to make adult friendships. However, the good parts of Meetup always outweighed the bad. I can no longer say that. The bad is very bad. There is very little good left on this app.

Safety Concerns:

As the sole female organizer of multiple Meetup groups, I have serious safety concerns. Meetup provides no real protection for hosts meeting strangers. Many men use it for flirting or dating (not friendship) and the app doesn’t discourage it.

In April, I suspected my drink was spiked by an attendee due to incredibly weird behavior on their part. I’ve been harassed, accused of hosting to cheat/meet men. Men have tracked my alcohol intake, been touchy/feely, and made disgusting comments. Too many women have similar stories.

The platform is also flooded with trolls and bots. Most “members” aren’t even real, and hosts must disable features to avoid spam despite paying for a service that doesn’t protect us or our communities. Does it matter if your group has 10,000 members if only 200 are legit? Hosts have to limit or ban commenting on the discussion boards to avoid spam messages or straight up inappropriate messages. We pay for all these "features" that we can't even use to grow community because Meetup does nothing to rid bots/junk.

Attracts Toxic Behavior:

Meetup attracts toxic energy from both hosts and attendees. I’ll own that I’ve been part of it too. Hosting can feel like high school cliques all over again. There's the bubbly personalities, social climbers, and power trips. I’ve acted entitled, thinking, "I pay for this, I built this so why should I tolerate certain people or opinions?"

There’s some truth there. Hosting burns people out. You give your time and money while people expect endless fun, kindness, and connection. One wrong comment or personality slip and cancel culture is waiting to destroy you as a host.

The drama between hosts is wild, too. So much competition, copying, and name-dropping. I’m done with that. I’m only in competition with myself. We should all recognize that each group/host offers something different. We shouldn't be competing. Not every group or every host is for everyone. We should lean into our individual skills & creativity. I'm ready to leave that petty mindset behind

I Cannot Provide The Help Some Members Need:

Most importantly, there's the members. I’ve met so many people on Meetup struggling with mental health, trauma, or social anxiety. Some members have serious personality disorders. Meetup can’t replace therapy, yet many treat it like a cure for loneliness. There’s constant trauma dumping, boundary crossing, and disrespect. I don't mean this in an offensive way. I say this to bring awareness and concern. I cannot provide the community and help many Meetup users need.

Meetup is a tool for finding community. It's a helpful resource if you're new to an area or getting into a hobby. Most people join after heartbreak, loss, or major life changes, hoping to rebuild. Without healing first, they give off jealousy, manipulation, and drama. I've witnessed and experienced concerning behavior from members including stalking, social media stalking, and the inability to understand social norms. Friendships built on shared trauma rarely last.

I've noticed lately that many attendees can’t hold conversations or engage. They just show up to not be alone. It’s sad for everyone. I’m not a therapist, doctor, or matchmaker. I am one person who likes to host fun (& sometimes dumb) events like silly bar crawls or fake bachelorette parties. The point of this group is to have a fun time and make potential friends/connections.

I used to think everyone deserves friends. Now I think people need to heal first. Be the kind of friend you want to have. This year, I realized I’ve avoided my own healing too. I mask the pain with events, drinks, and fake connections. Most of my “friends” over the years were pretty fake and so was I.

It's Time To Grow Some Place New:

So it's time to leave the platform that I (and many of us) have come to so heavily rely on for social success. None of us should need Meetup so much that we feel our entire social life/community would be gone without it.

I don't know if this is just a Meetup problem. This very well might be a society problem. I will never know if I cannot let go of Meetup. Eventbrite, Sweat Pals, and other platforms do seem to be a bit more positive than Meetup. I plan to continue building our group by trying out new platforms and social media marketing tactics.

Getting Back To My Hosting Roots:

I’ve been so burned out from hosting that I’ve wanted to delete everything. I’m finally in a healthy mindset + good place in almost every area of my life.  I haven't been able to say that in 10+ years (& for sure not as an adult). Why risk that by hosting on Meetup when people see me as competition or the “mean girl” or an obstacle in their social endeavors because I have success with this group?

This is my passion and my calling/purpose. My life has changed so much that it's hard to believe I once was the shy kid. I had very few friends growing up. Past me always relied on a significant other for friendship. I forced hobbies and perspectives onto ex's. I put all my eggs in one basket in terms of only having 2-3 friends at a time.

So when my cousin died and I went through hard break ups in my early twenties, it felt like I had no one. My family dynamic broke. I used to sit at random bars completely alone on holidays and social occasions. I was too scared to befriend strangers. I didn't seek out work out groups or social events.

I completely changed the trajectory of my life when I went to Meetup in 2017 and started my first group. I found my voice, met likeminded people, fell in love with my husband after 1.5 years of truly just being friends first. I realized I had a gift of bringing people together in a fun, creative, unique way. I'm not the shy kid, I'm a social adult with an extroverted side who also loves my alone time when I can get it.

It's been almost ten years on Meetup and it's time for a new trajectory.

Looking Towards The Future:

December 2025 marks ten years since my cousin’s passing and my divorce. Both of which were two losses that pushed me to start hosting and rebuild my social life. I’ve grown so much since then, and now I want to help others do the same by building genuine community.

I’ll still be hosting and sharing my story, but future updates will be through our website, group chats, and social pages - not Meetup. I’ll also be clearing inactive members to keep our community engaged and authentic.

Apps make it easy to meet people, but not to truly connect. They create “event slop” with fast, empty social calories. I want to focus on real, meaningful friendships and inspire others to get offline and meet organically again.

To ensure we stay connected through these changes - please personally email hardtomakefriends@gmail.com so I can get to know you a bit more, provide you with our group chat links, and share updates.

I've Always Mocked The Uptightness Of Adult Friendships:

I want to keep being honest about how dumb 99% of adult interactions are. People make it hard to make friends. However, the joy of finding a great friend is worth all the other stress of socializing.

I've put up the remaining events of 2025 on Meetup and our other platforms so we can start 2026 social! My goal is to be fully removed from Meetup by February or March. Stay tuned for additional announcements, updates, and a fun social future!

To ensure we stay connected through these changes - please personally email hardtomakefriends@gmail.com so I can get to know you a bit more, provide you with our group chat links, and share updates.

Thanks for supporting me, Hard To Make Friends As An Adult, and adult friendship. It takes a village. Let's keep growing ours.

-Macey

@meetwithmacey