Let’s face it—some people seem to just get friendships. They’re the ones who always have a packed social calendar, who casually drop “I was just with so-and-so the other day,” and can roll into any party with a hundred people who already know their name. And here you are, still trying to get the courage to send a text for that coffee date. But what if I told you that some people don’t just “have” friends—they inherit them, thanks to something we like to call “friendship privilege”? Yeah, it’s a thing. Not everyone starts at the same social starting line. Some people just have a built-in advantage, whether it’s from their upbringing, personality, or sheer life circumstances. But here's the kicker: just because you weren’t born with it, doesn't mean you can't make your own luck. So, let’s talk about friendship privilege, what it looks like, and how you can still rock a successful social life, even if it doesn't come easily.
What is Friendship Privilege?
Friendship privilege is a social concept that explains why certain people seem to effortlessly glide through life surrounded by friends, while others struggle to make meaningful connections. It’s not about the type of person you are—it’s about the advantages you were born with or developed over time. Some people had social parents who introduced them to a tight-knit network, others grew up in social environments where friendships were the norm, and some just happened to be the "cool" kid in high school who everyone wanted to hang out with. All of these factors contribute to what we call friendship privilege.
People with this privilege often have strong social skills, high confidence, and a natural ease in social situations. They don’t overthink their social interactions and know how to connect with others effortlessly. It’s the unspoken advantage that gets you invited to events, ensures you always have someone to hang out with, and makes making friends look like a walk in the park.
How Does Someone Have Friendship Privilege?
So, how do some people just seem to “have it all” in the friend department? Well, it starts with circumstances and personality traits that set the stage for easy friendships.
The Social Parents If you grew up in a family that was socially active—parents who hosted parties, maintained strong friendships, and weren’t afraid to get out there—you probably witnessed and absorbed social behaviors from a young age. This kind of upbringing is basically the VIP pass to making friends. It’s like having a social cheat code in real life.
The Upbeat Personality If you’ve ever met someone who radiates positive energy, you know the type. They’re the ones who walk into a room and instantly draw people in. An upbeat personality attracts others like a magnet. People with this privilege have a natural charm that makes them likable and easy to approach. They’re not afraid to put themselves out there, and people love that about them.
The High School Glow-Up Some people hit their social stride in high school, where they were the “cool” kids. That period of their life built their social confidence and gave them a base of friends that stuck with them through adulthood. Those formative years are a breeding ground for social connections—and once you have them, they tend to follow you into adulthood, where you continue to build on them.
Confidence is King If you’re someone who feels naturally at ease with others, you might not realize that confidence is a massive social asset. People who walk into rooms with confidence aren’t just owning the space—they’re making it easier for others to want to connect with them. This makes making friends feel effortless. Unfortunately, not everyone was gifted with that natural ease, but confidence can be built, and that’s the good news.
What to Do with Your Privilege?
If you’re lucky enough to have friendship privilege, don't just sit back and coast. Use your social capital to build strong, meaningful relationships. Leverage your natural ability to connect with people by offering your time and attention to those who need it. The best kind of friendships are those that you don’t just take from; you give back to them as well.
Don’t just stay within your inner circle—branch out, meet new people, and help others who might not have the same social skills or connections you do. Become the person who makes others feel included, seen, and heard. That’s how you build long-lasting friendships that don’t just survive—they thrive.
If You Don’t Have Friendship Privilege, Can You Still Have a Successful Social Life?
Here’s the good news: hell yes, you can still have a successful social life without friendship privilege. The key is to be strategic and proactive. Sure, it might take a little more effort, but it’s not impossible. Here’s how to get started:
Work on Your Confidence Confidence isn’t just something you’re born with—it’s something you can develop. Start small. Challenge yourself to speak up in group settings, take more social risks, and push yourself to interact with others. The more you practice, the easier it will get.
Invest in Yourself Sometimes it’s about investing in your own social skills and emotional intelligence. Take time to learn how to be a better listener, ask thoughtful questions, and show genuine interest in others. People are drawn to people who truly care.
Find Your Niche Not everyone fits into the same social circle. Find groups or activities that align with your interests—whether it’s a hobby, volunteer work, or an online community. This will give you a space where you don’t have to force friendships because they’ll naturally form around shared interests.
Consistency is Key If making friends feels like an uphill battle, it’s important to stay consistent. Keep showing up to social events, even if you don’t feel like it. The more you put yourself out there, the more likely it is that you’ll connect with people who vibe with you.
Own Your Social Life—Privilege or Not
Friendship privilege is real, but it doesn’t define your worth or your ability to make lasting friendships. Whether you were born with it or need to work a little harder to develop it, building meaningful connections is about intention, consistency, and genuine effort. So, don’t get discouraged if it feels like everyone else has it easier. You’ve got the tools to make it happen, and sometimes, the hardest paths lead to the best friendships. Own your social life, no matter where you start from—and watch those connections flourish.
Continue The Conversation:
Check out Season 2, Episode 7 "Friendship Privilege" on our podcast! Available on Spotify & major streaming platforms! You can also view this episode through our website or on Youtube.
Have a story to share?! We would love to hear it! Leave us a comment or message us at hardtomakefriends@gmail.com
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